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Writer's pictureElaine Dutton

Leadership Boundaries: How to say No, When to say Yes

Being ‘busy’ is not an inherently good thing. While many people think that being – or appearing – busy, makes a person look important, the truth is that rushing around from one place to another is more akin to firefighting than planful, strategic productivity. On a personal level, being busy also means less time to pay attention to other people and your surroundings, feel gratitude and simply ‘be’.


So when did being ‘busy’ become almost an expected trait of leaders in today’s society? Society sells us the allure that everything is possible, but everything we commit to comes with a trade-off.


In this article, we’ll look at the evolution of being busy, and how leaders can overcome the habit of saying yes when they really want to say no.


Every time you say yes, think about what you are saying no to.


In his book, The Coaching Habit, Michael Bungay Stanier quotes Michael Porter, saying: “The essence of strategy is choosing what not to do.” Many leaders feel that they are expected to take on more than they can carry, particularly if they are starting out in a new role. Automatically saying yes to things may be an easy way out at first. As the tasks build up, however, the effects of saying yes can have many long-term impacts on a leader’s professional and personal life.


Think about it this way: Whenever you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. For example:


  • You snooze your alarm to get an extra hour of sleep in the morning? Then you’re saying no to getting in a morning workout before work.

  • Do you say yes to staying overtime at the office? Then you may be saying no to having dinner with your family at home.

  • Do you say yes to taking a speaking opportunity? Then you could be saying no to focusing on a long-term project at the office.

“The essence of strategy is choosing what not to do.” - Michael Porter

Two Types of ‘No’


In ‘The Coaching Habit’, Bungay Steiner goes on to explain the importance of clearly defining what is it that you are saying yes to, whenever you accept a task given to you. This will help you get a clear idea of what you’re responsible for, and what does not fall under your remit.


This also requires you to understand what it is you’re saying no to, and Steiner differentiates between two types of No answers:


  1. The No of Omission: This includes the things that you are automatically saying no to when saying yes to something else, such as events that are occurring at the same time.

  2. The No of Commission: The second type of no includes things that you need to refuse in order to accept another, which will really get you thinking about priorities. This no will create the space, energy and focus you need to commit to the thing you want to say yes to.



How to Know When to Say Yes


The things that we should say yes to differ from person to person, as these are based on our own values, priorities and personalities. It would be useful to sit down and think about what the most important things are in your life, and where you’d like to focus your energy – whether it’s being there for your children as they grow up, travelling the globe, or excelling in your career.


Whenever you’re faced with a question, take a moment to think before saying yes, and ask yourself:


  • Does this spark curiosity within me, and am I satisfied with the answers I got?

  • Will this work have an impact on a key priority area that I am genuinely best to handle instead of anyone else?

  • Am I clear on what I need to stop in order to say yes to this? Are the trade-offs clear and can I manage that?

  • Is this a non-negotiable for my boss/business? Is it a situation where there is genuinely little wiggle room?

If you answer yes to the above questions, chances are that you should say yes to this opportunity. If, however, you’re only saying yes to avoid conflict, out of habit, to get people to like you, or because you don’t actually plan on doing the work – it’s best to opt out straight away.


Learning to say No can be one of the most powerful tools leaders can have, opening teams up to ample new opportunities and breaking old stagnant habits.


Do you need help in training your team, or leaders, to say no? Get in touch with The Change Agent today by sending an email to info@thechangeagent.eu.

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